Today is the middle of January.
A little late for a New-Years-Resolution post eh?
Not in my books. In the true spirit of a fresh start in a new year I am adopting a "there's no time like the present" kind of attitude. Therefore there is no better time than now to make my resolutions.
1. Join a Gym
I will further this by adding "actually going to the gym" because with my track record step one is easy. It is step two that is the tough part.
It is not tough because I am just lazy and don't want to go. It is tough for me because for some unknown reason I get incredible anxiety at the thought of working out in front of other people. If I get this kind of anxiety just thinking about it, well you can just imagine how i am actually going.
Let me paint you a picture
It is 9:35 I finally muster the courage to tell my wife I am going to the gym, after about 45 minutes of internally debating with myself on whether or not I will actually do it. To which she usually replies with a snort or a "mnm hmnm". I pack my things, put on my three layers of gym clothing because I am so insecure about sweating, grab my running shoes and close the door behind me. I'll show her, I will show all of them, I think as I confidently, and dramatically as I thrust the car into drive. I stop. because there is a stop light right outside my house and the light is always red. I turn. I drive to the gym. My heart starts pounding every meter closer I get. I pull into the parking lot. I sit there. "crap i forgot a lock for a locker" I think. Nope, its in my bag. Oh headphones, I can't workout without headphones. Crap. I mean, oh good they are right here attached to my phone. I sit. Awe man I forgot my member card. Its attached to my key chain. Blast it! There seems to be no plausible reason for me to not get out of the car, walk into the gym and feel the burn. But there is. In the pit of my stomach I feel it burning. The anxiety is giving me a stomach ache. It always does. That is usually my excuse to scram.
The awful thing is the feeling always goes away once I am in there. It is getting there that is the hard part. So I guess my resolution is to get over this anxiety that has started to control me, and get back to the old me. It isn't even limited to the gym alone anymore. It sneaks up on me in many situations. It prevents me from calling friends and even family. I feel awkward around people I have known my whole life. I find it hard to make small talk, when I once couldn't shut up! I am afraid to put myself out there, to blog, to express myself freely on Twitter, to make YouTube videos. Just looking back at my sister and my videos, and my old blogs, and even my old twitter posts I can tell that I have changed. I feel it. But I don't want to have. That's why in 2015 i am going to act like it is 2010 again and live it up like I used to.
The old me is back baby!
Next time I will indulge on my resolution #2
-Darcy
