Bonjour Janvier

Today is the middle of January.

A little late for a New-Years-Resolution post eh?

Not in my books.  In the true spirit of a fresh start in a new year I am adopting a "there's no time like the present" kind of attitude.  Therefore there is no better time than now to make my resolutions.

1. Join a Gym

I will further this by adding "actually going to the gym" because with my track record step one is easy. It is step two that is the tough part.

It is not tough because I am just lazy and don't want to go. It is tough for me because for some unknown reason I get incredible anxiety at the thought of working out in front of other people. If I get this kind of anxiety just thinking about it, well you can just imagine how i am actually going. 

Let me paint you a picture

It is 9:35 I finally muster the courage to tell my wife I am going to the gym, after about 45 minutes of internally debating with myself on whether or not I will actually do it.  To which she usually replies with a snort or a "mnm hmnm". I pack my things, put on my three layers of gym clothing because I am so insecure about sweating, grab my running shoes and close the door behind me. I'll show her, I will show all of them, I think as I confidently, and dramatically as I thrust the car into drive. I stop. because there is a stop light right outside my house and the light is always red. I turn. I drive to the gym. My heart starts pounding every meter closer I get. I pull into the parking lot. I sit there. "crap i forgot a lock for a locker" I think.  Nope, its in my bag. Oh headphones, I can't workout without headphones. Crap. I mean, oh good they are right here attached to my phone. I sit.  Awe man I forgot my member card.  Its attached to my key chain. Blast it! There seems to be no plausible reason for me to not get out of the car, walk into the gym and feel the burn. But there is. In the pit of my stomach I feel it burning. The anxiety is giving me a stomach ache. It always does. That is usually my excuse to scram.

The awful thing is the feeling always goes away once I am in there. It is getting there that is the hard part. So I guess my resolution is to get over this anxiety that has started to control me, and get back to the old me.  It isn't even limited to the gym alone anymore. It sneaks up on me in many situations. It prevents me from calling friends and even family. I feel awkward around people I have known my whole life. I find it hard to make small talk, when I once couldn't shut up! I am afraid to put myself out there, to blog, to express myself freely on Twitter, to make YouTube videos. Just looking back at my sister and my videos, and my old blogs, and even my old twitter posts I can tell that I have changed. I feel it. But I don't want to have. That's why in 2015 i am going to act like it is 2010 again and live it up like I used to.

The old me is back baby!

Next time I will indulge on my resolution #2

-Darcy

Welcome November. And short days.

The clocks turn back an hour as I write this post. That means the days get longer and we plunge into several months of darkness. Because I live in Canada this means our igloos will stop melting. It's prime renovation season because with shorter days comes cold, snow and ice and you know what that means right? 

New master bathroom in my igloo! Woot woot. It's the best time of the year for us Canadians eh. It's a boot time I get my new bathroom. 

That was my joke for today. 

In other news, I had a Lord of the Rings marathon tonight. I watched all three films, hence me calling it a marathon. The first one was on Netflix. Hey that's awesome I thought. My son was a ninja for Halloween and he played with his sword all day so I said let's watch a movie with swords in it. Of course LOTR was the first thing to come to mind. My son loves these movies. And I'm so glad because my wife hates them. If it were only the two of us I would be overruled in movie picking every time.  Thank god for children so you get to watch awesome movies eh!

 

Anyhow. Only the first movie was on Netflix. Luckily like any sane human being, I had the whole collection on dvd. So my wife was ruled out for the next 10 hours as I prepared for the night. 

I snuck out for ice cream and popcorn by the third movie because my kid's Halloween candy just wasn't cutting it anymore. 

#LOTRMARATHONPROBLEMS 

Whenever I watch LOTR I get mildly depressed because it is so epic and amazing. It makes my life seem so bland and pointless. I want to go on adventures and experience things that change your life forever. I also want to be an elf or a king. Or a hobbit. Or a wizard. 

Then I snap back to reality because let's face it. If I were living in that time I would have been one of the soldiers being stepped on by the Oliphant. Or eaten by an Orc. It wouldn't have been. Very glamorous life I am sure, I would be dead. So I continue eating my tub of ice team and finish the movies. 

Well that was the gist of my Saturday evening. I wish everyone a wonderful autumn and welcome the cold weather because if you can't beat 'em, join 'rm and the same goes with the weather.

 Winter is inevitable so let's embrace it. 

-D

Summer nights

I'm sitting on my deck. Alone. But that's the nice thing about it. 

I'm drinking wine and not doing anything. Some people might think I'm weird sitting in the dark by myself, drinking. But I have to say this is my kind of night. 

I'm listening to the bustle of the city. My neighbour is playing odd music that is actually pretty soothing. A train just went by and every so often (more often then not) a car passes by. 

I can hear my cat slinking in the neighbours yard and my dog breathing at my feet. My other puppy is chewing something in the yard. 

It's peaceful. It's how a summer night should be. It's nice. 

It's nice to be able to sit down with a glass of wine and not have to think about anything. 

Of course I am always thinking about things though. They are the good things. I'm thinking of the snuggles I had with my boys before they went to bed and how it is moments like that that gets me through the hard times. I'm thinking of the walk I took with the dogs and how good they were. And I'm thinking that my glass of wine is getting low. So I'm going to refill it. 

Have a wonderful summer everyone and remember to enjoy the simple moments. And never be ashamed to drink alone in the dark. It's blissful. 

D 

Happy Belated Canada Day.

So today is the 3rd of July and I have been absent for quite a while. [yup I'm still the reigning world's worst blogger]

I wanted to say happy belated birthday to my B-E-A-Utiful country who turned a whopping 147 years young. 

This is how I spent my Canada day: In my Pajamas doing nothing. 

That's right I was in my pjs until almost 7pm when Kayla, the boys and I went to Harris Park. I'm not ashamed. I had a fantastic day off lol. 

When we went to Harris Park in London, Ontario we went to see our friend Lindsay preform a teaser to the show she is playing in Petrolia this summer. Then we got ice cream and watched an amazing firework display. (Well done London btw!!) I wanted a god damn funnel cake but I kid you not the line was like a kilometre long! So I settled for a bland dipped icecream in a stale cone instead. #ughh 

Then we came home and went straight to bed. 

I may not have partied like a true Canadian but it was a very nice day off and I was just chilling since my work week that was coming up consisted of me working 10 days straight. 

So Happy Birthday Canada. We love you! And I will try my best (yet again) to post up more hehehe. 

-D 

Hoppy Easter!

Today was my last day at work before Easter (although I will be working on Saturday) so I thought I would send out my best wishes for a beautiful and enjoyable Easter weekend. Hopefully the snow fucks off, so the Easter bunny doesn't freeze to death while bringing all the little girls and boys their Easter candy. That would be tragic! 

Eat responsibly and don't forget to include vegetables, fruits and whole grains with your candy diets this weekend so your bowels don't get clogged and your pores stay fresh. Don't be funny and boil up a rabbit for Easter dinner. It never impresses anyone, really... 

I'm excited to see my family for the holiday, even though I have to come home and work. It will still be a delightful weekend. I'm planning on making some wicking yummy food too so I will let yahs know how it goes over. 

Hoppy Easter friends! 

Food Glorious Food!

I thoroughly believe that kids will not only eat good, nutritious and healthy foods, but LOVE them. 

The problem is many parents don't give children the opportunity to try new things. To savour food as it should be and to make up their own minds about food. 

A lot of people create the monsters they have to put a plate in front of. Kids who refuse to eat anything green, raw, not drenched in ketchup and/or butter. Or kids who refuse to eat anything but French fries. Or ones who won't let this food touch that food. The ones that won't touch a single bite if there is one indication of something new mixed in with their plain mashed potatoes or white pasta. The thing is kids will voluntarily decide what they like if you give them the opportunity. 

When I found out I was going to be a dad this was something I was adamant about: my kids are going to eat well. It is one of the most-if not the single most- important things we can teach our children. How to respect and love food.  How to make good culinary choices and to be open to trying new things.

My kid doesn't like everything. There is a lot of things he won't eat. But there are even more things that I have put on his plate expecting him to toss onto mine that he has actually not only eaten but loved. And asked for more. We don't force him to eat something he doesn't want to. He won't freak out of there is something he doesn't like on his plate, he will eat around it. I feel like, even though he is only three, we have given him a very positive, well balanced perception of food that will stay with him forever. 

Tonight i made a homemade pizza. The crust is made out of cauliflower and a carrots with ground flax, chia and garlic. And it was topped with turkey bacon, spinach, zucchini and onions. It was absolutely delish and Leighton asked for THIRDS! This is something many kids would automatically turn their noses up at. And a lot of parents would let them. But if you give then a chance they will give food a chance. And you would be surprised at what your kid will eat! 

10th Time's a Charm?

Ok so anyone who knows me knows I am the most terrible blogger in the world! But here I go making attempt, what is it now? Ten? Twelve? One Hundred? Oh, hell, who knows, and who really cares.  I am making my comeback to the blogging world.  

I need something to occupy the little spare time I really have, and I actually like blogging, despite my complete lack of initiative and compliance with it.  I am what I like to call a "whenever-I-feel-like-it-slash-remember-to-blog blogger" and I am sure that is how I always will be. 

Well needless to say a lot has changed since my last appearance here.  I have a new job, a new kid, and a new puppy.  A new outlook on life. I have had new experiences, made new memories- both good and bad- and am on a new path in my life.  

The past year has been quite difficult for me, and I am going to be brutally honest about it. 

I slipped into, and pulled myself out of a pretty tough depression, that took a toll on my relationships, my body, my mind and my education. I flunked out of school, despite the fact that I was in the home stretch, and only moments away from attaining what I have tried so hard to get- my degree.  I fucked it up, and threw it all away in the matter of a few months.  I have learned from those mistakes, however and have come out stronger and more focused.  I have learned through it all that I cannot change the past. I can just look towards the future and learn from my mistakes.  It's a costly mistake, but in the end are we all not stronger because of our failures? I like to think so. I am not going to lie and say everything is honky dory now. Because nothing is perfect.  I am reminded of my failure every day. I think about how differently things could have been if I admitted to myself that I was spiralling down, and got the help I needed.  I could have graduated.  But I didn't. I do have to remind myself that, yes I "could" have done things differently. But I didn't and I don't have a time machine so I cannot do anything about it.  I literally have to take my life one day at a time.  I have to remind myself that we live in the present, not in the past and not in the future. Once I came to this realization, I stopped dwelling as much as I did. I pulled myself up, admitted what I tried to hide and moved on.  

I moved on to expanding my family with the birth of my second son, Avery. I moved on to adding another furry daughter to my household, Effie. I moved onto a job that I am not ashamed of. And in the process of moving on I have lost relationships, held onto relationships, and made new relationships. I am making new memories in the pursuit of living life according to my own terms. I am finally in a good place in my life. I can say I am happy. And all of this is after I emerged from a very dark place in my life.  

That is why I have returned to this blog, because I understand the premise- One Day at a Time- in a different context, and in one that I feel is so much more personal to me now. As I continue (as faithfully as I can muster) One Day at a Time, I hope to show how the past makes you stronger, and how we have the power to control our own destiny, and to live life on our own terms. 

-D