10th Time's a Charm?

Ok so anyone who knows me knows I am the most terrible blogger in the world! But here I go making attempt, what is it now? Ten? Twelve? One Hundred? Oh, hell, who knows, and who really cares.  I am making my comeback to the blogging world.  

I need something to occupy the little spare time I really have, and I actually like blogging, despite my complete lack of initiative and compliance with it.  I am what I like to call a "whenever-I-feel-like-it-slash-remember-to-blog blogger" and I am sure that is how I always will be. 

Well needless to say a lot has changed since my last appearance here.  I have a new job, a new kid, and a new puppy.  A new outlook on life. I have had new experiences, made new memories- both good and bad- and am on a new path in my life.  

The past year has been quite difficult for me, and I am going to be brutally honest about it. 

I slipped into, and pulled myself out of a pretty tough depression, that took a toll on my relationships, my body, my mind and my education. I flunked out of school, despite the fact that I was in the home stretch, and only moments away from attaining what I have tried so hard to get- my degree.  I fucked it up, and threw it all away in the matter of a few months.  I have learned from those mistakes, however and have come out stronger and more focused.  I have learned through it all that I cannot change the past. I can just look towards the future and learn from my mistakes.  It's a costly mistake, but in the end are we all not stronger because of our failures? I like to think so. I am not going to lie and say everything is honky dory now. Because nothing is perfect.  I am reminded of my failure every day. I think about how differently things could have been if I admitted to myself that I was spiralling down, and got the help I needed.  I could have graduated.  But I didn't. I do have to remind myself that, yes I "could" have done things differently. But I didn't and I don't have a time machine so I cannot do anything about it.  I literally have to take my life one day at a time.  I have to remind myself that we live in the present, not in the past and not in the future. Once I came to this realization, I stopped dwelling as much as I did. I pulled myself up, admitted what I tried to hide and moved on.  

I moved on to expanding my family with the birth of my second son, Avery. I moved on to adding another furry daughter to my household, Effie. I moved onto a job that I am not ashamed of. And in the process of moving on I have lost relationships, held onto relationships, and made new relationships. I am making new memories in the pursuit of living life according to my own terms. I am finally in a good place in my life. I can say I am happy. And all of this is after I emerged from a very dark place in my life.  

That is why I have returned to this blog, because I understand the premise- One Day at a Time- in a different context, and in one that I feel is so much more personal to me now. As I continue (as faithfully as I can muster) One Day at a Time, I hope to show how the past makes you stronger, and how we have the power to control our own destiny, and to live life on our own terms. 

-D